My youngest son John was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at the age of 5. His kindergarten teacher encouraged my husband and me to have him tested, after observing him in class. As the parents of three boys, we knew John was “different”, but weren’t sure if it was his just being the youngest, or overreacting to what seemed to be an alarming lack of interest in what had captivated his brothers at the same age. He loved “Thomas the Tank Engine” and “The Adventures of Spot”, but his prodigious memory of the dialogue and insistence on repeating it, should have been a trigger for us.

The call from the school, which informed me that the final test was for autism, almost made me physically sick. My husband and I had talked to each other about the possibility of autism, but were sure that it didn’t apply to John. After all, he was a great communicator, with a vocabulary that reached far beyond the age of 5. The fact that he preferred the company of adults rather amused us. His brothers treated him as they treat each other (and still do). Life went on, and then it changed completely.

After John’s diagnosis, the gifts appeared. Our family and friends rallied round us, providing support and comfort. We all began to educate ourselves on autism. I had only rudimentary knowledge of autism-and no idea of the spectrum of behaviors that the term encompasses. That first summer, I immersed myself in reading everything I could get my hands on. I researched on the internet, and discovered that we were not alone. My two older children had to deal with my less than stable emotional state, and try to understand autism as did my husband and I. Andrew and Michael understood that John had “quirks”, but they, as his older siblings, were to continue to treat him the same, thereby providing a role to follow and emulate. They were, and are, his champions, defenders, and tormentors-brothers through and through.

My husband has taken the role of “port in the storm”. Where I, as wife/mother steer life from the kitchen table and minivan-he soothes John and I when life gets to be too much for us. His calm demeanor rights the wrongs of the day; and on days when I get notes or calls from school, Randy’s is the voice on the phone that I need to hear. My best friend of 35 years is the one I rail at when I’ve had it. Mary’s gift to me? -- life long friendship, another set of parents to count on, 4 brothers, and a sister with special needs. Knowing and loving them all has enriched my life beyond words. Her mother, a retired teacher, has guided me through 3 years of observations, meetings, tears and triumphs. The single best piece of advice Connie has given me is the suggestion of keeping a journal. I had never entertained the idea-though it was pretentious, but doing so has given me a point of reference in our journey. I look back on my notes, which I refer to as “The Diary of a Mad Housewife” and can see how far we all have come. When I started, the language was stilted and proper. My journal has morphed into a glimpse of my everyday life-complete with cursing, guilt, and the occasional “why me?” Sometimes I crack myself up-other entries make me cry as I reread them. It’s my life, uncensored. My parents, sisters and their families have all stepped up, and John’s cousins have all at different times, taken the role of teacher. My sisters and I all have a good cry together, and rejoice in the love of family. My mother goes on vacation with us, and showers John with love and attention. My father calls me with news on autism, and reassurances that life will go on.

Our public school is a leader in inclusion, and John has reaped the benefits. He gets different therapies there, and our wonderful Special Education department gifts us all with their guidance and understanding. They have John’s best interests at heart, and are in constant communication with us. Our friends and their children have all embraced John’s autism, and provide a source of stability and learning for him, and us. His classmates have learned a bit about autism as well - observing John in class, both behaving and not. I’m sure it disrupts the environment of learning, but his teachers and classmates tolerate it, and use it as a tool.

I am not a particularly religious person, but I do believe God put John on this earth for many reasons. First and foremost, he was MEANT to be here. His gift of autism has provided a learning platform for all who know and love him. His gift of autism has also given the world another example of how life is different for everyone. John’s world is one of order AND chaos. We all share that experience, but don’t realize it. I look at life very differently in the last three years. That is the greatest gift of all.

Mary Regula