Cole was born on October 20, 2006. He is our one and only child. I saw changes in him around the age of 18 months. When the language disappeared I repeatedly asked his pediatrician what I was supposed to do. Finally on January 5, 2009 Cole was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder.

After the initial shock I became a woman on a mission. I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home Mom, so I had plenty of time to research, research, and research some more. Cole was immediately referred to Child and Family Services and they acted quickly to find him a developmental therapist, who came to our home once a week, and an occupational therapist, with which we visited at Rockford Memorial Hospital weekly. Cole also had a few sessions with a physical therapist. The therapist saw that Cole didn’t have much delay. We tried HIPPO therapy but it was something he was not ready for. We also had one session with a speech therapist and saw that her style of therapy was not conducive with Cole’s learning style. I was open to suggestions of all kinds because as we all know, we have to be challenged in order to grow. We didn’t get everything that we requested, mainly, a speech therapist, so we became our child’s therapist. I took all of the suggestions from the OT and DT and worked with my child. No, it’s not always fair because we want to be parents to our kids, not a therapist.

Let us look at this from a different perspective, if our child needed a kidney, we would choose to become a donor. Why would this be any different? We do what we have to do to help our child succeed; even if it means becoming a full time therapist. This happens often. Parents must be an active participant in their child’s therapy. You can’t expect change if you don’t work for it. I have been told that it’s because of MY involvement with my child, that he has come this far. Each day gets a little easier and I look back now and am glad that I took the difficult path.

Cole responded extremely well and everyone around him saw improvements right away. I believe that it was getting him started early that was most beneficial. At his six month review, they added apraxia to his diagnosis. He is currently attending the Pre-K program at our local public school. He has an aide that is with him throughout his whole day. One example of the progress he has made is that by his fourth month of school, Cole surpassed the goals that they hoped he would achieve with a year of schooling. He did it in four months! He always seems to prove us wrong in the very best way.

Now, many families feel overwhelmed when they first hear that their child is on the spectrum. There is a lot of information to take in. The thought that kept me sane was that this is not for me, this is for Cole. He NEEDS me to do this for him. So what’s first? Remember that your child is like any other child. Everyone learns at a different pace. Next, go and learn what you can about the Autism Spectrum. Every child on the spectrum is different, but once you read some of the different delays, you quickly see where your child’s delays lie. What I did next was make sure I was getting Cole to EVERY therapy appointment offered to me. We also decided to see a homeopathic doctor. Some people agree and others disagree with this practice. It is a personal decision. For us, we saw improvements with the doctor we saw. After a couple of months of learning about autism, my son, and the areas he needed work on, I began to tweak what wasn’t working with things that were working. Like I said, it is different for every child, but the reason that I’m sharing this is to show you that we did whatever it took to help our child.

Dan and I have been married for 4 years. I have to admit that we both forgot our most recent anniversary. I tell you this because I want to openly admit that its tough making it work. The divorce rate is high without the added stress of having a child with delays. I don’t even know how we make it work, but we do. We both have our son’s best interest as our top priority. We’ve said before that we hope that as Cole progresses, we will go back to having dates and spending quality time together. For now, we accept this as one of the trials of marriage. I do know that one of the things that encourages success with our son is our marriage. BOTH of us are here supporting him and offering the consistency that he needs so much. This relationship worked before we had a child, it just has to work now. We will accept no less.

I’m happy to say that Cole is now 3 ½ and has excelled in the school setting. The amount of words in his vocabulary has doubled and he is now working on sentences. Also, right on track, he is potty trained. For us, we consider our story a success story. Cole has exceeded our expectations and taught us a thing or two. We are grateful that Cole is OUR child. I recently had the opportunity to observe him in a daycare setting for a class project in a college course. The following was my final observation summary:

Final Observation -- What I’ve learned -- Over the course of the observation I have seen new things from my son. I’ve seen him be a bit of a bully, I’ve seen him being bullied, I’ve seen him frustrated for not being heard, I’ve seen him being silly to get attention. I’ve seen such a close and caring relationship between Cole and Kandy that it melts my heart. So what I’ve learned is that I have an average kid. Yes, he may be behind in some areas, but not all kids are “on track”. My child’s wants and needs are the same as every other child; he just cannot express them like any other child. So I have to admit that today’s observation was not of Cole, but of me. I sometimes get so caught up in the word Autism that I forget I’m a mom…a mom to a GREAT kid. Sometimes autism can rob a parent of hugs and kisses. I’m fortunate that my child repeatedly runs to me for approval of his successes. I’m grateful that every night he gives me a kiss goodnight. I’m so grateful that my boy comes to me and says hug when he needs it. I need to remember how I feel during all the times when we are playing with play-doh; I feel like I could be with any child in the world doing the exact same thing, the exact same way because Cole is like every other child, he is NO DIFFERENT. I need to remember that first and foremost, God gave me this child because I am the best mother for him, and He gave me a wonderful child.

Misty Wallace